No Regrets

Well maybe a few.  Awhile back my mother told me when we were talking about her long life that she had never eaten  lobster.  She didn't say it in a way that made me think lobster was on her bucket list but now that she is gone I am wishing I had taken her out for lobster dinner, or at least brought frozen lobster tails to her house.  I have these cute little red ceramic butter warmers which she would have thought nifty, and I think she would have been amused by wearing a lobster bib. And I'm sure she would have loved the buttery sweetness of lobster.

I'll always be sad that my brothers and I had no choice about moving her and dad to an assisted living apartment for her final months. The level of care she needed exhausted dad and severely strained their relationship. Even though their generations greatest fear is "ending up" in a nursing home,  coupled with not dying at home, that's what happened after all. I'll wonder for a long time if that could have been different. But no regrets - we made the best decision we could, presented with the facts at that time.

I do regret that my mother didn't get to see her house somewhat restored to the way it was before her deep decline.  When I was growing up it was a weekly ritual for mother and me to clean the house, dusting every surface in every room, vacuuming, washing floors etc. A clean house was an absolute. But as her health failed, she couldn't keep up and it was a huge disappointment to her that the house wasn't clean to her standards. But now,after a few days attention from M and me, All the clutter is gone and drawers, closets and kitchen are cleaned and reorganized in preparation for dad's move back.  I thought so many times about doing this while she still lived there but I was always concerned that she might find my actions judgmental That things weren't "good enough" - that my taking this over might make her feel even more diminished.  I can see now that I was slowly becoming the parent these past years, and they the children.  - Posted using BlogPress from my iPad