They made me feel like I matter!

Most of us live pretty ordinary lives so we are stopped in our tracks when anyone makes us feel otherwise. That happened to me last evening while I was attending a "women's night out" at my church. It was a fun evening - wine and cheese, sitting with some women who have been in and out of my life through the years, and with some younger women I hadn't met before. The entertainment was a peppy musical group - three sisters who grew up in southern MN and now perform original music and poetry about their home and family life. The program turned slightly serious (and I noticed a few ladies slipped out) when the moderator asked us to participate in discussions at our tables about spirituality as we are experiencing it today. We were asked to describe how we deal with stress, how does faith and spirituality help us (or does it?) - what can this women's group do to help etc. I listened (and of course I talked!) but I wasn't prepared to hear the impact my words had on 2 younger women who came over to me at the program's end and asked if I would "mentor" them through experiences I have already survived and help prepare them for other passages. I was curious that their own mothers are alive and well, living nearby and immediately wondered why I, a perfect stranger would so interest them for this kind of guidance. But then I thought of my own daughters and how difficult it is to negotiate all the "roles" we play in each other's lives. Sometimes it's like dancing, we are listening to the same music but hearing the beat differently, and occasionally that results in stepping on each other's toes! Or worse, tripping one another to a fall.
This has happened to me. And it's usually my fault because I have failed to separate the message from the messenger. But I am learning that when they don't take my advice, or they are disinterested in what interests me, this isn't a reflection on how they feel about me as their mother. It simply means they have grown into being their own persons, which is what we aim to do in this parenting stuff, after all! I would never expect my own daughters to be so up front about wanting my opinion but I have to say I was seriously flattered by what happened last evening. And I'm sure looking forward to meeting my new friends for breakfast soon.

Goals for October

1) Work out at the J 12 times and collect $20 from Health Partners

2) Paint the Ralph Room

3) Have Don (electrician) put in another outlet so I can eliminate the ugly cord hanging from the wall mounted tv

4) Visit mom and dad 2 more times this month

5) Go to Chicago to cuddle with the Benj

6) Visit my  homebound neighbor - not because she is so, but because I really like her and want to get to know her better

Back to Blogging

I've decided that I'm not really very good at this blogging business. I think about it alot, and even "write" posts in my head but I seem to have a hard time actually doing it. But one thing I like is that there are really no rules, and it doesn't matter that I haven't been "here" for almost year. I'm ready to go again.

Much has happened in the past year! Best of all is the birth of BJM on April 16, 2010. I really hadn't thought much about what it would be like to be a grandparent and even with 9 months to get ready, there is no way to be prepared for the overwhelming love you feel when your child becomes a parent. N and J shared so much with us during the time we waited for "Bosco" to be born, and they lovingly welcomed us to be there shortly after B's birth. For me, the most touching moment of all was when N turned to me while she was holding her new baby son and said these poignant words, "Mom, this is just the best thing I have ever done."

I've lost track of the number of times J and I have driven to Chicago - sometimes just for the day to hold our sweet baby grandson. I never imagined we would be able to spend so much time with him during these first 5 months and we treasure every memory we have made - all the feedings, the bathtimes, stroller rides (inside and out) and just watching him sleep - in the "boppy" or his bouncy chair, or on his playmat. My personal favorites are the times I have spent rocking him to sleep. I love holding him close, breathing deeply his baby smells. He has beautiful blue eyes and a head of fluffy soft curls that are dark at the tips but becoming lighter underneath so that he looks to have a halo when the sun shines on him. He has the most kissable cheeks! I call him "dollface" or "angel baby" but mostly he has become "the Benj" and like all grandparents we think he is the best, most wondrous baby ever!

November

As an adoptive parent, I have known for many years that November is Adoption Awareness Month. I'm not sure I have ever done much with this information. And today I learned that November is also National Blog Posting Month. Apparently the serious bloggers attempt to blog every day of the month. Since I have already missed a day I guess I know what that says about me! But it is an interesting idea - blogging every day. Maybe I will try for every week...

This REALLY matters!

What matters most right now is.....I'm going to be a grandma! I/We are all so excited about N and J's baby, due in April. N told us very early, when she was home in late August for A's wedding shower and it is the best secret I have ever kept. I will always remember the sweet smile on her face - the exact place (in my new kitchen) where she told J and me, and the big hug we shared.I know she will be a great mother. The only thing to equal having N as my daughter, is having her be the mother of my grandchild!

My September Song

With all this home remodeling stuff, summer just seemed to pass us by. But I took one last stab at it today when I made chocolate ice cream. Nothing says summer (even in September!) like making homemade ice cream. And just to be sure about the statement we were making - we roasted hot dogs on the grill. Actually, today was a lot about food - and being in my new kitchen. I made two pasta salads and a favorite recipe from our gourmet club of the 80s - a mid-Eastern relish that is best when the tomatoes and cucumbers are fresh. Seasoned with cilantro and toasted cumin seeds, it's an annual event.

But fall is in the air - the bittersweet is about to pop and as soon as the bees quit swarming the hydrangea, I will start cutting those big beautiful blooms for drying.

Speaking of remodeling - these things remain:

* range hood #3 arrived at 30" despite factory specs that say 29 and 7/8" (which is required to fit the opening we have...)

* we are still waiting on final electrical details like switchplates - why are the littlest things the hardest to finish?

* living room furniture and kitchen table are ordered but apparently the economy is recovering nicely and there are so many orders ahead of mine that it will take 6-10 weeks...

* still need to locate and order dining room chandelier and kitchen chairs

* lots of stuff to unbox and put away, lots of cleaning to do

* my new target for completion (everything back in place, everything new arrived) is Thanksgiving

I'm Such a Slacker...

I faithfully read a few blogs and am so in awe of those people who write regularly. There's a lot going in in everyone's life, mine included, and I have all these thoughts running through my head all day long that just seem to escape before I get to the computer. I totally missed the month of May! What has mattered lately? My new kitchen, for one thing. And an EXCELLENT cruise to Alaska with J and our good friends, T & J and B & ML. And C's new house - at least we are hoping it will turn out to be hers! J's beautiful yard is taking shape as it does every spring and summer and yesterday I had my first "hammock time" under the birch tree with the birds all around, and a good book. It doesn't get much better than that!